I am beautiful, no matter what they say,
Words can't bring me down...
Dear Mr D. Man,
Are you really all that ridiculously good looking? Yours,
R.U. Foreal (Miss).
Dear Miss Foreal, Thank you for your query dated February 17, 2005. Let me answer it by saying: Errr, No. Here's a simple truth: I have a B.A. in B.A. I'm not so much a liar, as an Embellisher Of Truths. I make the facts seem less realistically boring. I drive it to a warehouse in the industrial outskirts of town, strip it down, put the stolen parts on a similar-looking model, soup it up, spray on a new coat of glossy Midnight Blue paint, then send it back out onto the streets. And everyone goes "Whoa, look at that! Nice wheels!"
Witnesses disappear and only My Truth remains.
I torture it until it conforms with my own preconceived self-delusional states and prejudices. But sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Especially in my world. Truth gets labelled Bullshit. Bullshit becomes Truth. I am the Boy Who Cried WOLF. But I am also a very honest person. And I never lie. So, to answer your question, Miss Foreal: Yes. I really am really, really, like, ridiculously good looking.
Lets have some fun and play Truth or Damned Outright Lie?™, the fastest selling party game on the planet. See if you can work out which is which.
Fact or Lie:
- I am a Ninja
- I buy and sell souls
- I once stumbled upon a dope plantation, pulled the plants out and took them to the police
- I once stumbled upon a dope plantation, pulled the plants out, relocated them to another site, harvested them, had lots of friends that year
- Jennifer Lopez is a talented actress
- I'm possibly very drunk at this very moment
- My wife reads this blog
Post your thoughts in the comment zone. Squawk you damned monkeys! Squawk!
|
