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| You dopey sh!t |
| 24 February, 2005 ---- 4:59 PM |
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Respect ain’t about calling your b!tch a ‘hoe.
I once had to interview a gangster rapper.
Everything was going well; we had a good rapport going … talking ‘bout b!tches and ‘hoes and drive-by shootings, and then I thought I’d show him how streetwise I was by dropping in some slang I’d picked up from a Samoan co-worker a week or so earlier.
“Hey man… just wanted to say… Your dope is sh!t”.
And the next thing I knew, I was in a full-on gang war. I took 9 Uzi slugs to the chest, but fortunately I had my Kevlar bullet-proof vest on that day, and, in a fit of incredulous rage, I pulled out my gardening trowel and played DieSnailDie with about 10 or so homeys.
I stumbled back to my office.
“No, fool!”, cried the Samoan.
“It’s: Your Sh!t is Dope!
Dope is good! Sh!t means Stuff, unless you use it like you did, in which case it means Sh!t, which is bad, as in Not Good, as in Crap!
You’re supposed to say ‘Your Sh!t is Dope’. You just told him that his narcotics were of an inferior quality! No wonder he’s pissed!”.
Of course, these days Sh!t means good, as in “it’s The Sh!t” (which replaced the now Old Skool ‘bomb’, as in “it’s The Bomb”. You can’t say ‘Bomb’ any more, or the Americans will send you off to a camp where they beat the snot out of you and take naked pictures for the folks back home).
So, actually…had that gangster interview occurred a decade later, it would have been totally appropriate to say “Your dope is sh!t”. But then, thinking about it, what if you now go to your dealer to complain that his dope really is sh!t and he just says “Thanks”?
Still, that’s not as bad as a mate of mine who sent out a group email to about 500 colleagues. He meant to say he was going to “pop a cap in the ass of whoever removed his contact book from his desk”. Instead, he got it all wrong and ended up threatening to do something entirely different to their ass.
I think The Kids invent Cool Words just to play with our minds.
Every school term they change the current street slang so that adults have no idea what they’re talking about.
When I was at school, everything was Choice, or Ace, or else it Sucked. Choice and Ace were good, as in ' Vanilla Ice is choice, he’s real ace'; Sucked was bad as in ' MC Hammer used to be cool, but now he sux ass'.
I get laughed at these days if I try to use those words in front of school kids.
I blame gangster rap for all this confusion. That’s all kids listen to these days. Pop in a CD and all you hear is “I put the shizzle in the hizzle-mizzle/ gunna go frizzle a sausage sizzle/ Forget the police”.
Eh?
Anyways, gotta go tell a guy that his dope is sh!t.
Peace out.
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