"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

I’ve never really understood the whole 'glass is half full/half empty' debate. I would have thought that it was pretty straight forward:

If I get a glass and add beer up to some imaginary half-way mark, it is half full. Full, because I was filling it. Not emptying it. But this is just crazy talk. Why would I only half fill my beer glass?
Crazy talk.

If I add beer to my glass until it is completely full, then drink it down to the halfway mark, then it is half empty. Empty because it was full, but now matter has been subtracted. But I can’t see why it would be worth taking the time out to comment on the glass being half empty, because in a moment it will be completely empty. And then, after my wife gets me another bottle, it will be full again. Etc.
Simple really.

Is the glass half empty or half full? Who freakin' cares, just get D-Man another beer!

Why does my beer taste like dirt?

I brew a bit of beer at home. I prefer it to the shite provincial beers that smelly students and grubby farmers drink over here.

The other evening I'd left my beer barrels out on the deck to dry. Later, I noticed my daughter playing with them, removing the lids, putting them back on, removing them, putting them back on. And I got warm fuzzies and thought "awww ain't that cute, she's making pretend beer ... she'll run a microbrewery one day".


In the morning I went out to bring them in and GODDAMNIT, THE LITTLE MONKEY HAD FILLED THEM UP WITH SOIL!!!. As someone pointed out afterwards: "Well, of course. You can't make pretend beer without ingredients." D'uh.

So ... if you're ever fortunate enough to ever drop by for a brewsky ... and it tastes like dirt ... don't ask.

David Hasselhoff, if you’re still reading, I just wanted you to know that last night I watched Dodge Ball. That one with Adam Sandler in it. No, sorry, it was Ben Stiller. I always get those two mixed up.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I was surprised to see that you had a cameo in it. Surprised because for the 12 seconds you were on film, you didn’t actually stink. In fact, I may have even laughed.

I have since downgraded you on my Loser Meter from Dick to Dork. But, just for the record, that still means you’re a loser. Loo-zer.