When monkey dung gets flung and diggers block my view …
It’s always good to be in the newspaper for something that isn’t court/crime related, or starts with the words "Local nut ..."
This week a broadsheet published a photo I’d taken as part of a competition being run along the lines of “The view from my office”: My company doesn’t really believe in paying people what they’re worth*. There’s a saying that goes “you pay peanuts, you get elephants”. Except they couldn’t get elephants to fit through the front door, so they had to settle for monkeys. Simians are cheaper, anyway; they eat fewer peanuts.
The thing with monkeys though, is that they’re not really all that well behaved. And they’re infested with monkey fleas. So I sit here day after day, tapping away at my keyboard and scratching madly, while trying to duck flying monkey dung.
One thing the company does have going for it … did have going for it … was a great view of the city and all its volcanic cones. But now that we’ve got new buildings and a motorway being built around us, that view has been reduced to mountain-size mounds of earth, rubble and rubbish, and power pylons, and hairy Heavy Machinery operators. And their butt-cracks…
The thing about seeing so many diggers is that they always remind me of when the EvilBastardBank forced my parents to sell our farm, except for the house and a few acres. On a New Years Day, the new Crazy Religious Sect owners came in with their bulldozers and their diggers and their gasoline and their matches and destroyed the entire native forest that had been my sanctuary.
Even now, I can’t stop curling into a small ball on the floor and rocking whenever I see a bulldozer or digger.
Still, life could be worse. The view from my office could of a window with bars and a sharpened-toothbrush-wielding cellmate named Bubba. Again.
One of my colleagues just asked whether tomorrow was Good Friday, or Black Friday… Anyway, happy Easter everyone.
Remember, God sent down his pet bunny rabbit to earth to hand out Easter Eggs so that you would have chocolate sins to confess. Mmmm, chocolate sins …
* Thank God my company doesn’t believe in paying people what they’re worth. Otherwise, I’d be working for free, instead of a handful of peanuts an hour...
