How about I give you The Finger … and you give me my telephone call?
Me: “So anyway, then the computers plan to enslave us and use us as a power source to power their Evil Plans –"Disinterested Co-worker: “Um, not to belittle your whole little kooky ‘Computers Will Take Over The World’ conspiracy theory, or anything, but didn’t that already happen in that Matrix movie? Didn’t they actually in fact make three Matrix movies about how we end up as a dry cell battery source for our Computer Masters?”
Me: “WHAT THE-? NO, GODDAMMIT! THEY STOLE THAT IDEA FROM ME!”.
Disinterested Co-worker: "Riiiggghhttt… Annnnyhow, so I’ve got this meeting I’ve got to get to …"
It truly is tragic when you come up with something novel and then someone steals it and takes all the credit. Like that whole Matrix thing. It didn’t contain anything new that I hadn’t already thought of by the time I’d turned 19. Ideas that I’d jotted down in a journal. The same journal that mysteriously disappeared from my dorm room and was never seen (by me) again…
Just to make things perfectly clear - I’m not accusing the Matrix “creators”, the Wachowski brothers of being thieving bastards. No. I’m just saying they obviously paid a thief to break into my room and steal it. That makes them thief-hiring bastards.
Oh, but that’s not all.
When I was in London I had this cool black leather trench coat that I used to wear. One day I was walking down Oxford St with my cool black leather trench coat and my sunglasses and my very tan skinned head and, as I passed a bus stop, this black dude steps out, looks me up and down and goes “lookin’ cool, brother”. I said thanks and thought nothing more of it.
Until this Matrix movie came out. Now not only did I have to sit through the whole thing, pissed off that some one had stolen all my ideas and not even given me a writing credit, but that “lookin’ cool” brother had been none other than Laurence Fishburne. And he’d gone and stolen my look and used it to outfit his character Morpheus in the movie.
Bastard.
I’ve never been able to wear that trench coat again without someone accusing me of trying to “dress like those Matrix guys”.
In other paranoid conspiracy computer theory news: I’m not actually even convinced that any of you people out there in the blogsphere are actually even real. I just can’t shake this feeling that you’re all part of some Twisted University Student Assignment to see how many people you can trick. If you fess up now, I promise not to track you down later and Make You Pay for fooling me. You have been warned. That is all.
