But, if in fact I can, maybe it will be this:

People,
Never get your face too close to a cigarette-lighter
If you possess eyebrows
And want to keep them
Or at least keep them symmetrical
Especially if it’s not cigarettes you’re smoking…
He-he-heh,
Yeah.

I can’t believe I only just found this site.

It’s where you can go and make your own South Park-style caricature.

This is me:

Swear to God, if you had to pick me out in a line up after seeing only this picture … you’d be screwed, because it looks nothing like me. Well, maybe a little. Except I really have cool facial scaring and am missing a couple of ears. And part of an eyebrow…

OK, so at the precise moment that I thought I was done with answering all your Pesky Questions, Stan from the UK was pestering posting some more.

Since I have nothing better to do at the moment, I will give this a crack. And then That’s It, we’re done. OK?

Who would you invite for a dinner party alive/dead/fictional and why?

Who:
Bob Dylan, David Bowie,
Dylan Thomas
Douglas Adams, Scott Adams, George Bush
David Hasslehoff
Georgina Beyer
Sarah Ulmer.

Why

Dylan & Bowie:
Partly because I’m a fan of both, and partly because I’m curious to see what would happen if a guy who used to stay at friends’ places and then steal their records when he left, met up with a guy who used to sit down and jam with friends, then steal their material and write hit songs without giving them any credit…

Dylan Thomas, the great alcoholic (and very dead) Welsh poet:
Because I’d want him to pester Bob Dylan until the record-collection-stealing artist formerly known as Robert Zimmerman (Who came up with lyrics like “You’re an idiot, babe, it’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe”) finally admitted publicly that he did, in fact, rename himself after the man who came up with lines like “When, like a running grave, time tracks you down…”.

Douglas Adams, Scott Adams and George Bush:
Because they are damn funny people. Their jokes are classic and crack me up.

Douglas Adams, creator of the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, deceased:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job"
"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen"

Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic:
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
“The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.”
(I’d probably annoy Scott Adams by asking him whether he was related to Douglas Adams).

George W Bush, King of America, writes his own jokes. Bush really is his real name. Classic:
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we”
"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!"
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
(As a surprise joke, I’d invite Osama bin Laden as well, so that when he came in to the dinning room, I could go “Look, George, here his is!”).

David Hasslehoff, of Baywatch & Knightrider TV fame, rock god to za Germans:
He’d be there because I’ve perhaps been a bit hard on him in past posts and I’d like to give him a chance to prove that he’s not A Loser. I’m sure he’ll screw it up though and then everyone will wait till he goes to the toilet and then talk about what a loser he is.

Georgina Beyer:
Former prostitute. The world’s first transsexual MP. She’s all ours. God, we’re so liberal. NZ public servants confirm the news to overseas press with a big: "Yeah, she's had the full chop."
I’m actually a little scared of trannies. Actually, I’m a little scared of anything taller than me (6'4") that has long nails and stiletto pumps. And likes calling me “honey” or “bitch”.
I’m dying to see whether The Hoff will hit on her.

Sarah Ulmer: NZ Olympic Gold Medal cyclist:
I dunno. Maybe it’s the bike, maybe it’s the Lycra, but I think she’s a babe. I’d go for a ride with her any day…

Who would sit next to who at the dinner table and why ?

A table? Ewwww, this is a very swanky dinner, indeed. We normally just use an upturned beer crate.
I’ve already pretty much outlined the seating, except Sarah Ulmer will sit on my knee. Heh.

What would you serve them to eat and drink ?

I would cook lemon garlic chicken. And stuff.

Eating
4 chicken legs
2 T butter
2 gloves garlic
1/4 t dried or 1 t fresh chopped tarragon or thyme
2 lemons, rind and juice
water or wine
1 t salt
pepper

Put chicken pieces w best side facing down in oven dish. Dot w butter. Slice each clove into 2/3 pieces and place evenly round the dish. Sprinkle the chicken w tarragon or thyme.

Peel several strips of lemon peel from each lemon and place round chicken. Squeeze lemon, add water or wine to make up 1/2 c liquid and add to chicken. Sprinkle salt & pepper, cover tightly w foil and bake 200C for 20 mins. Remove from oven, turn pieces and baste w juices. Cook uncovered for further 20 mins spooning liquid over the chicken pieces several times.

Drinking
Wine:

White: Louis Latour
Montagny 1998
Appellation Montagny Controlee
A beaune - Cote-D'Or-France

Red: Vina Casa Silva
CS estate bottled
merlot 1998
colchua valley – chile

It’s a bit pricey but, hey, I didn’t pay for it. I stole it from Elton John. But that’s another story for another day…

Waxed or plucked ?