Well, the wife spent the weekend away with her girlfriends, pigging out on pizza and getting facials. Heh.

That meant it was a daddy-daughter weekend at home.

It was great. We ate lots of ice cream and watched Winnie the Pooh movies and made prank phone calls.

We played in the sand pit. Well, we tried, except there were a lot of disputes about whether the necessary planning permits existed to build the desired amount of sandcastles in the desired locations and D-Girl would frustratingly keep smashing them down as soon as they were built. She reckoned they weren’t up to the adequate building specifications. What would she know? I’ve built more sandcastles than she’s had hot breakfasts, Goddamnit!

We also formed a rock band called Don't Draw On The Walls, Monkey!
I was on electric guitar and D-Girl took control of an old classical guitar, playing it big bass style.



It was the little monkey’s job to count us in with the One-two-three-fours, but all she could manage was “One, two … one two ..”.

We tried to collaborate on a song about the sounds that animals make, but we got stuck with no answer to the line “But what sound does a turtle make?”.

It didn’t matter anyway, seeing as the band broke up shortly afterwards, due to “creative differences”.
To cut a story short, someone did a Pete Townshend guitar vs. floor impersonation and the living room got trashed.
Then someone got sent to their room.

Me.

So unfair.

Q: How do I know that I got drunker than I realised?
A: For the first time ever, me and my home brew "parted company".

Q: How do I now know that my home brew is stronger/more lethal than previously thought?
A: See previous answer.