This is my favourite time of the year.
Your cheek still stings from the cold slap of a scorned winter morning, but then She returns, like a lost lover, like a seductress eager for your attention, like the one who knows all your intimate secrets … and She gently whispers in your ear and plants tender kisses of quivering warmth against your exposed neck…
Mmmm…
Lower.
If you’re ever passing through the Northland town of Dargaville, drop in to the River Rd Dairy. I was up there the other day and my father pulled up outside and asked me to go in and get a pack of gum.
I freaked out when I saw who was behind the counter.
It was a guy who looked exactly like Mr Miyagi from the Karate Kid movies.
And the even freakier thing? His name actually is Mr Miyagi. I shit you not.
So I asked him to teach me some Karate moves. He said “OK”. Then he instead made me paint his fence and wax his cars.
Lousy bastard.
My two younger brothers went into the dairy the other week and Mr Miyagi asked them if they were twins. They are not twins. They are five years apart. They look nothing alike.
“Oh, you no twins? Ahhh, you white people all look the same to me! Hahahahaaa!”.
Lousy racist slanty-eyed chinky-chink bastard.
You know how Mr Miyagi does that whole catching flies with chopsticks thing in the Karate Kid movie?
I've done that before. There were witnesses.
Then I was telling some Chinese friends about this ability. They didn't belive me. So they gave me some chopsticks and I caught a fly right in front of their disbelieving eyes.
Then I got all cocky and started smoking a cigarette with the chopsticks. But the chopsticks had drunk a wee bit too much by that stage and I ended up dropping the cigarette on the floor and burning a big hole in their carpet. Whoops.
I wonder if that has anything to do with why I haven't been invited back since ...
We got a flash play house for D-Girl. She loves it. She also loves dragging us into the house to have tea parties.
I’m 6’4”. I now have a hunch back.
Curse you, dwarf-midget architects!
I sure as hell hope this isn't practice for her teenage years...
Typoglycemia
This was emailed to me. It looks weird, but you can in fact read it. The key is read it very fsat!
“I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the
rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthoit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately
cllaed Typoglycemia :)-
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt”
(The weird thing? This jumbled text looks exactly like something I might type out when I get drunk and have a computer handy...)
