Dear manufuckturers of the S&V MP3 Player,

I am writing to vent my displeasure at the substandard quality of your little gadget, which I spent a whole $80 at a supermarket to obtain.

I purchased your product a month ago. It is now broken. What is up with that?

I mean, really – how hard can it be to build something that can withstand 90 accidental minutes in a clothes drier?
If you ask me, this is shoddy manufacturing at its worst.

This is almost as bad as the last mp3 music player I purchased, two months ago, which stopped working after my daughter dropped it down the toilet.

I mean, if you bison-poo bastards can’t build products that can withstand a little everyday wear and tear, you really should think about a different line of work.

I demand a refund.

Yours in insobriety,

D-Man.

P.S. - Don’t even try to write back to me, pulling one of those “you shouldn’t operate our equipment whilst under the influence” sermons like those preachy Palm Pilot pricks a couple of years back.

That Palm Pilot was going to make its way into the washing machine of its own volition sooner or later, and they, as manufacturers, should have foreseen that eventuality and built an electronic organiser that was a little more waterproof.