Everyone should have a Hit List.

What?

True.
Good point.

Why would a well-adjusted, mentally-balanced, paradigm of supreme serenity such as myself need a Hit List?

Just stay with me here.

Take out a scrap of paper. Write some random names on it. Leave it lying on your desk.

See whether colleagues and/or managers dare to bother you any more with inane tasks once they begin to suspect you might be disgruntled.
Even if you're not.

Always mess with their minds.

Having a hit list also means you save your ammo for those who really deserve it on the day that you do finally flip out and go Postal.
You know, GET ALL KUH-RAZY WITH THE CAPS LOCK ON...

Of course, having a Hit List can have its down side.

When some of my colleagues at a previous job learned of the existence of my Hit List, they went out of their way to annoy me just so they could get on it.
It was like trying to get your name onto the Door List for an exclusive club, or something.
All the cool kids wanted to be on my list.
They would try and outdo each other in trying to prank me/ piss me off in a desperate attempt to be The One at the top of the list.

It was annoying.

So in the end I had to simply… KILL THEM ALL AND BURN THE PLACE TO THE GROUND, just so I could get a little peace and put the list to rest once and for all.

Then I swore off making such lists. It was just too much effort.

But today I found myself making a new one.

The first (and, so far, only) entry:

1. The bastard(s?) who stole the jar of Marmite off my desk.

I now have to have to put honey on my crisp bread instead.
It’s just not the same.

People suck.

I'm just playin', Internet People. I'm not really a Psycho.
I'm just anti-social.

I don't even like the taste of human flesh. Much.

A joke.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".

“Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries.
“This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them. I call them Australians!!!"

I'm just playin', Australia. You know I love you.

Sheep Fuckers.

Another joke.

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f**king impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs. "

I'm just playin’, ladies.

Now go cook me some eggs.

I've just been given a task to do. The manager in charge of this little project estimates it will take two working weeks to complete.
I've just had a look at it and realised I can do it all in two days.

So am I going to be all impressive and win kiss-ass points by turning the job in early?

Don't be stupid.

No, I'm going to finish it in two days and then spend the following 8 work days surfing the web.

I feel like a computer programmer, or something.

I'm not really lazy.
I just don't feel like exerting myself.

I don't even feel like doing a real post.

I feel sleepy.