�Boys have a penis and girls have a farguynah.�

Thank you.
Sex education is done.
That�s all you need to know.

Hmmm.

Perhaps not.

We�re trying to get D-Girl used to the idea that a sibling is on the way.

A competitor for parental affection. Attention.

That stabbing memory of seeing my baby brother take My Place at the front of dad�s motorbike as they both rode off to get the cows, me watching, crying, disbelief screaming from my eyes as I stood at the front door, still haunts me.
My mother�s �Don�t worry, you can be Mummy�s boy now� was cold fricking comfort.
It took 16 years before I had a proper relationship with my dad again.

I want to try and ensure D-Girl doesn�t feel that way when the next spawn of D-Man arrives, ETA almost five weeks.

So there�s been lots of conversation about how there�s a baby in mummy�s tummy.

�Hello bubby!� the girl says, patting The Bump.

Cool. She gets it.

But then I get home today and she pats her own tummy and goes �Bubby!�.

AY-YI-YI.

I�m going to have enough trouble freaking out about such things when she�s a teenager, let alone thinking about it now when she�s only 2!

Ay-yi-yi.

The due date for The Next Instalment was originally New Year�s Eve.
D-Missus wasn�t very happy with that.

But then we had an ultrasound and it got changed to December 26.
D-Missus thought that �wasn�t much bloody better!�.

Then the midwife had a look at the scans and the due date got changed again.
This time to Christmas Eve.

I don�t need to tell you what D-Missus thought of that.

We really should have planned this all out a little bit better�

She�s adamant that this baby WILL BE COMING a week or two early.

But we have to plan for the very real possibility that we could actually end up with a Christmas baby.

Under New Zealand law, any child born on Xmas Day has to be given a Christmassy name. Like Nick, for example.

I�ve already picked out Hey-Zeus if it�s a boy and Hey-Zeusanna if it�s a girl.

Some weird people in South America spell it J-e-s-u-s, but Christ knows that�s just asking for trouble once they get to school.

But if the new addition doesn�t really look all that much like a Hey-Zeus, then we�ll just go with our back-up.

�Santa-Baby�.