If I wasn’t sick of talking about the D-Sease before, I certainly am now.

It took me an hour an a half just to move from one side of the office to the other, with every other person stopping me and asking where I’ve been the past month.

And it wasn’t till I finally got to my desk that I realised I should have just called a press conference.

“Yes, I have been sick. I laughed at one retarded gypsy too many and paid the price.”

“What? Who told you that? This interview is over!”

Bastards.

Then when I got to my desk I realised I'd forgotten my computer password. Spent 10 minutes trying various password combinations, before calling computer geeks.

In some ways it was good being back.
Back to a routine that should help me get better sooner.

But God. I had the worst case of Mondayitis, ever. Ever.
My head was swimming.

Fortunately my boss said not to worry about doing any real work for the next couple of days. Just spend it going through the 6-million mostly company related spam emails in my inbox.

To which I replied,
“OK.”

The first one was a company-wide group email from an engineer asking, back in mid-December, whether anyone had seen one of the widget prototypes that he had misplaced.

I make it a policy to reply to all such emails.

So my entire work load for the day consisted of typing the words:

”Dear Loser,

Sorry. I haven’t seen your widget.

P.S. Wasn’t Widget one of those Ewoks from Return of the Jedi? Oh wait – no, that was Wicket. Never mind.”

One email down.
Five million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand to go.

Then I had to have a break.

Then I had morning tea.

Then I had a break.

Then I had lunch.

Then I went home at 2pm because my boss, the HR lady and the company nurse all said I “shouldn’t push it”.

To which I replied
“OK”.

Being sick is great.

I love, I love, I loved the people who hadn’t even noticed I was away.

For 8 weeks.

Bastards.

D-Sease update:

Vertigo: gone. Pretty much. Drove to work. Can’t wait to get back on bike. Motorists suck.
Neuralgia: gone.
Earache: gone.
Crying at sad songs: What? I never fucking cry. Who said that? Crazy talk.
Can make custard: Yes.
Fatigue: Yes. But not as bad as what it was. Was ready to leave work at 2pm though.

The remaining symptoms are all Bells Palsy-related.

Eye: Still doesn’t close properly
Eyebrow raise: Yes. Can still be the next James Bond.
Ear: Tinnitus, etc. Very deaf in right ear at times. Hopefully temporary.
Facial paralysis: Some nerve response. Still facially gimpy.

So, basically, I’m heaps better than I was in December. But still recovering.

I currently weigh 84.5kg. I was about 95kg when this thing started. (That’s 800lbs for the Unmetrics).
The steroids didn’t give me the huge pectoral muscles I was hoping for. But at least my penis didn’t fall off.

I swam in the ocean yesterday for the first time this summer.
One hundred meters of breast stroke. Felt good.
Thinking I may be able to start exercising again soon.
Provided it’s only over a distance of 100m.

Mmmm, breast stroke...