“So shave your face with some mace in the dark, Savin’ all your food stamps and burnin’ down the trailer park..”

Guess who accidentally stuck quick-drying mouth ulcer cement in their eye last night?

Wow.

You guys are good at this game.

I guess that’ll teach me for keeping the prescription canker cement next to my paraffin eye ointment.

Goddamn, that stuff was strong.

It, like, bonded with my eyeball in a fraction of a second.
Which is a fraction of a second quicker than it took me to realise I’d put the wrong shit in my eye.

I frantically washed my eye for about 10 minutes afterwards, but that didn’t stop it from feeling like I was wearing a concrete shoe in my socket all night.

And to think I was meant to be taking careful care of my right eye while the palsy prevents me from shutting it completely…

Not that my family has been much help.

D-Missus rolled over in her sleep the other night and smacked me right in the right eye with her elbow. Fuck.

And D-Girl has started up this real annoying game.
Which involves waiting till I fall asleep on the couch.
Then lifting up my eyelid and seeing whether there’s anybody home.

Let me tell you, waking up to a finger in the eyeball is no fun.

Goddamn kids.

I should just face facts and put my name down for a guide dog now. At this rate I’m going to be blind before the end of the month.

Still. Things could be worse.

Lucky I didn’t instead grab the deep heat that was sitting on the other side of my eye ointment.

Maybe it’s time to rearrange my bathroom cabinet…