“A deck is a constructed flat surface capable of supporting weight, similar to a floor but typically constructed outdoors and usually (though not always) connected to a building.”
Today I learned that the New Zealand pronunciation of the word “deck” comes across as something completely different in the obscure language that is American English:
The D-Man: “I absolutely love days like this. It’s like a spring morning. It’s chilly, but the sun’s out, warming your skin with soft, gentle kisses. I wish I was at home, sitting on the deck”.
American Woman: “What?!”
The D-Man: “It’s a lovely big deck. It took a while, but I erected it by myself. I spent most of summer on it”
American Woman: “Are you gay?”
The D-Man: “What? Hell No! Well… maybe if there were no women left on the planet and all the farm animals were also extinct and the dolphins and the watermelons as well, and the guy first had an operation to become a woman and … you’re only gay if you take it, right? I think I heard that on Oprah, or something. Anyway … um… No. Why do you ask?”
American Woman: “Cos you keep going on about wanting to sit on a nice big dick”
The D-Man: “Wha-?!”
Apparently New Zealanders also aren’t able to say the word “six” without non-New Zealanders (or “foreigners” as they’re more commonly known) thinking we’re talking about something else. I’m not sure what that something else is exactly, but a request for six of something or another, or lots of six, is often greeted with giggles.
Rugby’s a tough game.
How tough?
If you’re a rugby player and you go out drinking and then trip over a bar stool and then turn around and punch some random stranger in the face because you mistakenly thought he’d tried tripping you up, then you can expect to be reprimanded into sobbing submission by one of the great former All Black rugby captains, beating you over the head with a lovely little woman’s hand bag…
That’s how tough.
Click for news story.
(And I thought the All Black rugby player who got a testicle ripped off by a dirty Frenchman AND STILL CONTINUED PLAYING was tough. But did he ever face a handbag beating?)
Want to know how tough NZers are?
How about Extreme Ironing?
Although the D-Man personally refuses to buy any item of clothing that requires ironing...
And our cripples are tough too. One guy lost his legs to frost bite years ago. But does he go boo-hoo boo-hoo feeling sorry for himself. No. He goes and climbs Mt Everest. It's like this real big mountain.
You might think that sounds like no big deal, but you go ahead and chop off your legs and try scaling it. Yeah, not so easy now, is it?
