Sometimes we become the very things we hate.
I hate spam. It’s too salty.
But I unwittingly became an Evil Spam Lord over the past week, accidentally sending out hundreds of unsolicited emails from my site’s Notification List.
I was initially excited to see that 400-odd people had signed up for my list, which sees listees emailed whenever I post an update.
But then I was not so excited to discover that those people had not actually signed up themselves and had never heard of me, or cared to.
I have no idea how those email addresses got there. OK I have a few ideas.
- Computer virus
- Spammer upset with my Feb 2005 I hate spam post, sat there for half a day entering them all, just to spite me
- The internet hates me
- I have a split personality, and while the sane D-Man is in bed sleeping at night, the insane D-Man is out of bed, opening new Fight Club chapters around the country, and tipping over cows, and spamming people.
I don’t know about you people, but my money’s on number 4.
(That was just to try and make you think that there is a sane D-Man some of the time. Did it work?)
Anyway. My marvellous web-administrator has come up with a solution for the problem, which includes injecting me with a mild sedative at night, in an attempt to prevent sleep-spamming.
So the Notification List is safe to use again, for those who care.
OK, let’s get one thing clear.
It’s D-Man BITES dog.
Not D-Man gets intimate with dogs.
Checking out your site meter stats can be a disturbing thing sometimes.
Like the fact that www.d-manbitesdog.com gets a lot of traffic from people googling “man” AND (some other words) AND “dog”.
Cos I’ve made it quite clear from the outset that the D-Man prefers sheep.
Mmmmm, warm woolly love.
Other search engine queries that sent people here, include:
- Hash
- Man's G-Spot
- How to get my wife to go braless
- manhood OR whipped OR by OR another OR man
- Humping monkeys
- David Hasselhoff
- Sheeplovers anonymous
Impressively, someone using a Yahoo NZ search for the word “man” got D-Man Bites Dog as the top reference from 2,350,000 hits.
Unimpressively, a bunch of advertisements for gay dating sites were listed above it.
Still. Could’ve been worse.
It could’ve been beneath a bunch of adverts for the David Hasselhoff Fan Club.
Anyone tried this?
It’s Googlism. You enter your name, and it tells you what the internet thinks of you.
For example:
- d-man is writing a novel, apparently
- d-man is too cute for words
- d-man is right as always
- d-man is a physical presence
- d-man is used to poor performances
- d-man, please give me back my fucking hedge trimmers. You have had them for two years now and you don't even own a hedge.
And yet you still loaned them to me? Sucker!
