My boss left work at 3pm today.

So I left at 3.05pm.

You’ve got to allow five minutes for them to get out of the parking lot first, otherwise you end up bumping into them as you’re trying to sneak out.

Which has happened on at least two occasions in the past…

I also had a long lunch break.

I also started late.

After taking Monday and Tuesday off Sick…

You got to balance these things out.

Welcome to D-Man’s Yin Yang of Work Ethics.

I don’t know how I turned into such a slacker.

Oh wait – That’s right:

They don’t pay me very much, so I don’t do very much work.

And to think, I used to be such a nice, hardworking, punctual, young man.

Back in the old days.

Even my school reports used to make special mention of my punctuality.

I never used to bunk school.

So, in other words, I was a geek.

There was that one blemish on my permanent record though.

I went on a horticulture class trip to a Kiwifruit orchard.

They gave us lots of free Kiwifruit.

So the entire class spent the hour-long journey back to school throwing them out the bus windows, in order to try and make cars crash and burst into flames while swerving to miss them.

One of those cars was being driven by the wife of the school’s previous principal.

When she finally came out of the coma, she rang up the school and complained and got us all in big trouble and my parents kicked me out of home and I wound up on the streets working as a gigolo in exchange for hits of Coke.

Which is probably where I’ll wind up again if my boss actually checks up on me and discovers I’m not at work.

Then again, I just need for my lucky numbers to finally come up and then I’ve won first division Lotto, and then it’s Goodbye Fuckers.

(Unless some of you lucky ladies out there want to fork out $1 million to sleep with me for a night. No? What about for $1 and a million cans of Coke, then? Pepsi? Never mind.)