The blood tests are in and my iron levels are “shockingly low”.

I need to eat more cars.

Iron levels? How fucking weak is that.

Why not something cool like diabetes, or Ebola?

Or even leprosy.

Leprosy would be cool, because then I could walk around pretending to be a zombie, and then someone would go “Oh, I don’t think he’s a zombie, I reckon that’s just someone walking around pretending to be a zombie”, but then, because of the leprosy, I could just rip my own arm off and throw it at them and they’d be all freaked out and run away going “ARRGGHHHH, HE IS A ZOMBIE!” and I’d just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Ha.

Then an earlobe would probably drop off.

I catch back up with the doctor tomorrow morning. He’ll probably give me some iron filings to chew on.

I just hope he doesn’t suggest eating liver to rebuild my levels. I hate liver.

Eating it: No.
Abusing it through drinking alcohol: Yes.
But eating it: No.

There will probably be a discussion about red meat.

But I’m actually thinking of becoming a vampire to get my iron levels up.

Oh yes, I can think of a few ladies I'd like to bite…

Mmmmm, and that Kate Beckinsale makes one hot vampire.

In fact, I won’t watch any movies these days unless they are about vampires, or have Kate Beckinsale in it.

Actually, that’s how I got tricked into watching the Lake House on the weekend. D-Missus said it had Kate Beckinsale playing a vampire in it.

But it soooo didn’t. It was about a house. On a lake. That’s it. Roll credits.