One of my best work friends just left.

I missed her leaving speech.

I was occupied at the time.

I was in the toilet.

I'd forgotten about her leaving presentation.

I turned up just in time for her to go “so thanks for the gift everybody, hopefully see you around some time.”

D'oh.

But on the flip side, I was right on time for the leaving cake.

At my work, your chances of being promoted are increased if you own a boat or are named Mike.

I could probably change my name easy enough, but the closest thing to a boat that I own is a surf board.

But I think I've just found another way.

Yesterday my boss' boss' boss was walking down the corridor as I was heading back to my desk after morning break.

He started talking to me. Which was weird because he seems to have one of those passive-aggressive personalities and is rarely seen speaking to underlings.

I thought he was going to give me grief for the shorts I was wearing, or the jandals (a.k.a. flip flops/thongs) I was wearing, or the security badge I was not wearing, or the fact that I always returned late from my breaks.

But he instead wanted to ask about the guitar I was carrying. And the next thing I knew he'd broken off from the other executives he was walking with and I was actually having a conversation with him, which continued back to my desk and then for a few minutes more.

He studied classical guitar for 10 years about three decades ago, but late last year took up paying again because he wants to learn Beatles songs. He's having trouble learning how to sing and play rhythm guitar at the same time.

Then he called for my boss later in the day, but she was in the toilets injecting crack cocaine, and so he instead asked me whether I had any Beatles sheet music I could lend him.
I don't, but it might be worth going out and buying some just to stay in the good books.

Which could be handy, seeing as my boss had a meeting with him late yesterday afternoon and she looked very, very unhappy afterwards...

We regularly get emails at work letting us know that someone has found some money in a certain area and if you think it's yours, then contact the emailer.

Which is pretty much an invite for everyone to email the emailer with their guess as to how much money was found and in what denominations

I rightly guessed a $5 note for yesterday's Lost Money Email, but the emailer wouldn't give it to me. Because it was found in the women's toilets.

I said yes, that's right. I was in there checking on my spy camera.

By the end of the day, she'd received emails from 15 people claiming that the money was theirs. All were men.

She said it was very dodgy having all these men claiming to be in the women's toilet at the same time, especially when money seems to have been present.

To which I very promptly admitted to having lied about the money being mine and distanced myself from any such suggestions.

(Although the spy cam is mine.)