A guy started choking today at work and I thought, cool, and grabbed my surgical scalpel out of my desk.

I've always wanted to perform an emergency tracheotomy.

My scalpel normally only gets used for sharpening pencils and cutting bits of paper and lines of coke and the tyres of people who owe me cash.

So I grabbed my scalpel, but then realised that the blade was blunt from using it to sharpen pencils and prune trees and stuff, and by time I'd taken the old blunt blade off and replaced it with a new razor sharp blade, well, the guy was dead.

But it's the thought that counts.