A few years back I wrote a poem and called it Orgy At Gump's.

I think I'd just bought Forest Gump on video, which is like a DVD, except rectangle instead of circular.

Then I threw it in my Take A Dump Pile, because I thought it kinda sucked.

But then I recently shared it with a friend (why, I can't recall), but they actually liked it and suggested I songify it.

So I dusted it off, changed the title, a word here and there and added a chorus.

And I don't think it's too bad. For me.

In fact, I think it could be good enough to be one of my funeral songs.

I can just imagine the mourners hearing it and going “WTF?! Did he just sing about slipping on a new pair of pantyhose?! It's a good job he's dead, because if he was still alive I'd have to start shunning him.”

Or words to that effect.

My wife doesn't like it.
Because the first line of the chorus is “Life's a bitch” and the second line of the chorus is “And then they marry you”.

I pointed out that, hey, I don't invent clichés, I just overuse them, but she wouldn't listen.
Because she had her hands over her ears and was going “Nahnahnahhhh, I'm not listening!” when I tried explaining that the song was not about her, that it's just a nonsense little fun thing.

Perhaps she's just getting confused with that other song I wrote, My Wife's A Bitch.

Joking!
Please don't tell her.

That would be even less popular than that time I wrote:

“Speak of the devil, I married his daughter”.

(Hmmm, I suspect that the way I'm going, my death may be sooner than I expected. Perhaps tonight, while I sleep…)

:D

Anyway. For your eD-fication:

(Or D-fecation, depending on whether you likey it or not).