Today I put money into the vending machine, and instead of it eating my coins and giving me nothing like it is known to do, today I put money into the vending machine and it gave me the V energy drink I had kindly requested, PLUS three free ones.

And, so, Yoink, I went Thank You, Karma. I WON!

I was going to share them with my work friends, but then my work friends bet me that I couldn’t drink all four energy drinks in under 10 minutes and I said that’s just being silly really isn’t it, and then they emptied out their pockets and then there was 8 bucks in front of me on the table in it for me and I thought, well, yeah, if you’re going to pay me, I’ll do it, and so I did it and I won 8 bucks and my heart didn’t explode like they all thought it was, so it wasn’t as much fun for them, but, hey, 8 bucks for me!

And then I had to go into a serious meeting.
Ha!

Apparently I was rocking my head back and forward and tapping my foot in the annoying way I always do, during the meeting. But I didn't get up and throw a chair through the glass wall like people were predicting I would.

I managed to hold it together. I just found myself having to force myself to insert full stops. Here. And there.

And then I had to take a phone message for someone whose phone was ringing, and it was ringing because they weren’t at their desk to answer it, and so I had to answer it. Then I emailed them their message.

Transcript:

“Your phone rang and I answered it politely, hoping it was going to be your mother, or even your sister, or perhaps one of those other cute chicks from your facebook friends list, so I answered it politely and it turns out I wasted My Polite, because it turned out to be just that chick that lives at the other end of the office. So anyway, that chick that lives at the other end of the office rang to ask whether you were around, then she turned around and discovered that you were not around, although I said you were around, as in somewhere, and the fact that your ass is a big round object, and then she said, anyway, can you let him (which I took it to mean you, because it was your phone I was answering) can you let him know that nobody turned up to the meeting on Wednesday, and she knew this because she was there and nobody was there, but if she was there that means somebody was there, but I took it to mean that nobody else other than her somebody was there, and anyway she wanted to suggest that maybe you reschedule it and I said yes, I can pass that message on, but I wasn’t really taking notes, so it’s possible I’ve gotten parts of this wrong, because I am now sleepy and it’s obvious that I need stronger V. Yeah.”

So then I went and bought another can of V, but I didn’t get any free ones this time, so I consoled myself by also buying myself a large chocolate peppermint slice.

And then my heart exploded.

Pow!

Blood and green energy drink, everywhere.