I have a man cold.

I haven't been to work in four days.

OK, two of them were Saturday and Sunday, but still. That's four days ill.

I was beginning to fear that I was actually dying, but it would appear that I'm still alive, so I'm probably not dead. Although it's hard to tell sometimes.

I have to be real sick to take a day or two off sick.

There is little chance of rest and recuperation when you have two little Wake Up Daddy! kids at home. So often it's actually more relaxing to go to work.

And my wife… my wife, like all wives, is completely unsympathetic the second I inconvenience her with something as inconvenient as being sick.

Because she is uneducated.

If you are an uneducated woman, please click here for enlightenment as to why man cold is no eye-rolling matter.

Women can be so cold when you have a cold.

I'm planning on returning to work tomorrow though.

In the same way that taking a sick day when you're actually sick is a tragic waste of a sick day, so is taking days off sick when the working week is already going to be a short one, thanks to Jesus.