I went to D-Girl's school athletics day.

Pfff. They should call it pathletics.

I mean, their long jumping was more like a short step; there was no bar on the high jump, so that was more like a … short step; and the 100m took them aaages, what with their small stepping.

Certainly wasn’t up to Olympic standards at all.

I really expected more from five-year-olds.

Don’t:

Take little santa chocolates left unguarded on the bench.

Because they might be meant for your daughter’s Xmas gift to her class mates. And then she’ll be short of chocolate gifts. And then she’ll cry. And then you’ll feel stink. And then, well, let’s face it – ya ain’t exactly winning any parenting awards this year, are ya.

Don’t:

Discuss politics at a dinner party.

Especially if your mother-in-law is present.
Cos she can be a real bitch sometimes.

There.
I’ve said it.

Lil’ Ginge’s birthday today. Three.

Geez.