“With any luck, our baby will grow up to be 6’ 4” like you.”

“Or they could end up 5’4” like you. ”

“Whose 5’4”?! I’m not 5’4”! I’m 5’7”! ”

“You’re a whole foot shorter than me. You’re 5’4”. ”

“I’m 5’7”! ”

“OK, you’re 5’7”. And I’m 12 inches…”

“…?”

Daddy-Man: “Unicorns? Why Unicorns taste like horse, of course.”

D-Girl: “Oh, in that case I could never eat a unicorn. I love horses! They’re my friends.”

Daddy-Man: “Pity. You really don’t know what you’re missing out on. Horses taste like Zebra. Yum!”

My eldest is so brave.
She is scared of spiders. But the other morning, she came down stairs with a sealed container, telling me there was a spider inside it. I thought it was some sort of reversion like back to that time when she had a pet imaginary spider called Bob.
So I opened the container expecting to humour her. But there was a real spider inside!

Our spiders are certainly nothing special compared with other parts of the poisonous world. Pretty much the worst we have is a white tail spider, which can only turn you into a zombie if it bites you.

Yep, she’d caught a white tail spider. I almost let out a girly-shriek. Cos I didn’t want to turn into a Zombie.
I threw it down the sink and turned on the water. But the bloody thing started scurrying back out again, towards me. I almost let out a girly-shriek.

I bashed it to death with my wife’s hairbrush.

Mission accomplished.

My wife called me at work today. D-Girl had asked a question about how daddy’s seed got inside mommy to create a baby.

D-Missus did the only thing she could think of: she ran and hid in the garage.
Then rang me and asked what the hell she should do now! Where the hell did that question come from?!

Oh how I laughed! And laughed! And laughed some more!

So she just went back to D-Girl and told her that daddy would explain it to her when he got home.

Bitch.

So anyway. Isn’t it great how kids sometimes have short memories? I think I’ve dodged that bullet.

For now…